Weight Loss

Q: Dear Board of Omniscience,

What is the best weight loss plan?

-Feelin' Fat in Wisconsin


A: Dear Feelin' Fat,

There really isn't an over-all "best" weight loss plan. Everyone's body is different, so you need to experiment until you find something that suits you. Some people can lose weight by cutting down on the fat they eat, and some people just get grumpy when they try. Some people can lose weight by cutting down on calories, others lose weight by cutting down on carbohydrates, some just cut down on general portion size. Some people are simply born to be fat and there's not a whole lot they can do to get thin (although they can control it to an extent). I would recommend trying every plan (except anorexia and bulimia, which are alternate words for suicide) for two weeks or so until you find the one that works best for you and continue with that one.

-The Chief


Dear Wisconsin Fatty,

You could also try amputating your fat or inhaling helium before you step on the bathroom scale.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator