Application procedure

Q: How do I apply to be a member of the Board of Omniscience answer team?

- the Ancient One


A: Dear The Ancient One,

You would want to start out by calling us "dear". We like that. Then e-mail us (you probably wouldn't want to put this in a comment) and say "Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I like to (insert interest here) and I eat (insert plant or animal here) and I want to become a member of your omniscient answer team, so would you please e-mail me an application at (insert your e-mail address here)? If you do, I will most certainly bake you guys cookies of any kind you desire if and when I ever meet you in person." Then, once we've actually written an application and come up with some delightfully amusing tasks for you (amusing for us, I mean), we'll put your application and your portfolio in a file on my computer and think about looking at it the next time we need a new writer for the board, which may be soon. If we like your application enough, we might even hire you on the spot.

Anyway, that's our application procedure. Don't forget to make the words exact in your e-mail (except with the stuff in parentheses replaced), or we'll just e-mail you back and mock you, and you'll have to try again to get an application. (Fortunately for you, having to apply for an application multiple times because you didn't get the words quite right won't significantly reduce your chances of being an answerer.)

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator