Two trains and a meal

Q: Dear The Board,

If one train left Chicago at 7:35:00 am, traveling at an average of 62 miles per hour, and another train left Los Angeles at 6:42:12 am, traveling an average of 56 miles per hour, and both trains were on slightly windy tracks, and the train from Chicago had to make a twelve minute-fourteen second stop somewhere before resuming its normal speed... what would I have for lunch?

-Irrelevant


A: Dear Irrelevant,

Your question is inherently flawed. It would be little more than an algebraic formula to figure it out but the problem lies in the structure of the question itself. "Slightly windy tracks". This could very well be referring to the speed of the wind over the tracks (using "tracks" as a geographical mark as in "I sat on the box" (the box in this situation being no more than a place whereon my buttocks rested) ) in which situations would more often than not cause you to eat a lunch consisting of little more than a bagel with cream cheese and a perishable drink of something much like a fruit, or the tracks could themselves be creating wind.

This is in fact a possibility because of the recent invention of breathing rails. These new organic rails feel like the trains themselves are not mechanical transportation devices but, instead, enormous monsters capable of light speed. They are currently working on bionic trains as well, just in case you wanted to know. In this situation you would be eating rice covered in a delectable sauce (soy perhaps).

The final circumstance under which your question may be painfully ripped apart letter for letter is in the event of these tracks being very serpentine in their progression. In this case you would probably avoid eating unless it is sodium based liquids and peanuts. They, being free on most transportation vehicles, would be an ideal choice.

If the train stopped for a twelve minute-fourteen second stop and you were supposed to eat during this time, you would eat what you had packed away. Having been on many trains, I can assure you that you wouldn't get anything good by leaving it.

Grahm Aire


Dear moot,

Lunch.

~OWA


Dear Irreverent,

Well, assuming there weren't any other delays, and assuming the trains follow the same tracks outlined in the miles on the map I have, and assuming the wind is blowing in a constant direction at a constant speed, and also assuming aliens don't take over the earth while all this is happening... By my calculations, I would say a turkey sandwich.

-Hi


Dear Not importunt,

WI goe bi trane? O.o It s tooooo faarr fur yoo too goe too Loss Anjelezz frum Chikagoe! >_< And thaat iz too sloe! -_-; Traynz goe lots fastur. ^_^ I wened too Chikagoe frum Loss Anjellez with mi oldur bruthur and wee wened lots fastur thun thaat! ^_-

~E-L-L-E! ^_^


Dear Irrelevant,

You didn't eat lunch. I watched.

-Apathetic