Fruits vs. Vegetables

Q: What is the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?


A: Dear (insert name here),

According to Dictionary.com: "A fruit is actually the sweet, ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant. A vegetable, in contrast, is an herbaceous plant cultivated for an edible part (seeds, roots, stems, leaves, bulbs, tubers, or nonsweet fruits). So, to be really nitpicky, a fruit could be a vegetable, but a vegetable could not be a fruit."

-Marty


Dear Nonexistent,

Fruits are sweeter and they give you diarrhea if you eat too many.

-Hi


Dear _________,

I invented them both, so naturally, you might get confused. Fruits are the ones I want you to sacrifice when you worship me. Vegetables are the ones parents force-feed children, claiming it's "good for them." (Such abominable behavior is exactly why such fruity sacrifices are necessary.)

-Liar