Professional Omniglots

Q: You are college students? I thought you were professional omniglots!

-fuzz


Dear Fuzzy,

Yeah, well, you're wrong.

-Apathetic


Dear Fzz,

I’m not a college student. I’m the world dictator. Worship me!

-Liar


Dear Hamster,

We would be, except that omniglot isn’t a real word.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator

Hot Guy Advice

Q: Any ideas on how to get a hot guy to notice I’m alive?


Dear _______,

Throw your shoe at the back of his head. I guarantee he won’t miss you.

-Apathetic


Dear Hater of All Names and Titles,

Well, since hot guys are most likely to notice hot girls, you could try setting fire to yourself and see if that helps. Or you could spray him with a fire extinguisher.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Dear Anonymous,

A lot of guys like girls who can sing really well. If you can’t, you could bake him cookies, or ask him out on a date so he knows you’re interested.

-Marty


Dear Blank,

Look him straight in the eye and say “Let’s hold hands.”

-Liar

For Fun

Q: Dear Board,

What do you do for fun?

-Harry Potter Geek


A: Dear Geek,

Torture people who think they’re Harry Potter and set fire to people’s houses.

-Apathetic


Dear HP Geek,

Play video games, read books, watch anime, draw, cook, and watch Apathetic and Liar beat each other up.

-Hi


Dear Geeky,

Answer my fan mail and juggle unicycles.

-Liar


Dear Creevey,

I like to ride my bike or practice karate.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator

Apology

Dear readers,

We apologize most sincerely for the extended delay in answering your questions. We have two questions pending that will most likely be answered sometime this week, and to make up for the delay, we'll post something special in addition. We do have an excuse, which is that this board is run by college students, and these last few weeks have been midterms, but nevertheless, we are incredibly sorry. Thank you for your patience, and please continue sending questions.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator
-And Everyone Else Too