The saddest thing in the world

Q: What is the saddest thing in the world?

-Anonymous


A: Deer Sad,

*snif*

E-L-L-E ^_^ :D

Dear Sad,

The saddest thing in the world is something that we at the board dislike discussing because it is different depending upon your values. Do you like kittens? If you do like kittens, I suggest you look at a kitten and think aloud, what is the most awful thing I can do to this kitten? Then tell the kitten the most awful thing that could happen to the kitten. Then tack onto the end of whatever it was a boiling vat of tears taken from the eyes of a widow who had just seen her husband die, into which this kitten's remains (if it is dead it will just be a corpse) will be cooked and served. If you don't like kittens, imagine it was you... or your child. Now cry.

-Anonymouse


Dear Sadistic,

My favorite pencil broke. I wept for days. Thanks for reminding me of such a traumatic experience. *sob*

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Dear Sad,

I didn't get this question until after E-L-L-E did and I'm answering it only because I saw her looking VERY sadly into the eyes of a porcelain doll she has on her desk saying, "Mr.Puffer" with an occasional sniff and a wipe of the eye. SO! In retribution I suggest you imagine the worst memory you have from childhood and focus, hard.

-Lucky Aaron


Curious,

Your question is invalid.

-Apathetic


Depressio,

You.

-OWA

Greatest President

Q: Who was the greatest president of the United States?

-Anonymous


A: Dear Anonymous,

Since the first definition of 'great' in the dictionary is "LARGE IN SIZE; BIG," the answer would be Abraham Lincoln at almost 6' 4" if you're going by height and William Howard Taft at over 300 lbs if you're going by weight.

The next definition of 'great' says "MIGHTY; INTENSE". This can't be easily judged since it's very unlikely any of them either arm-wrestled each other or had a stare-down.

Next definition: "LONG CONTINUED". The answer there is clearly Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who served three terms for a total of twelve years in office before the 22nd Amendment was written, limiting presidents to two terms in office.

Next definition: "MAIN". President George Walker Bush, being our current president, wins that one, unless by 'main', you mean 'original', which is actually implied since you used the past tense of the verb 'to be', in which case President George Washington, the first President of the United States wins.

Next definition: "MARKEDLY SUPERIOR IN CHARACTER, QUALITY, OR SKILL". And the answer to this, as you might expect, is: Now, honestly, Anonymous! This question is entirely based on opinion. There is no one greatest president any more than there is any one greatest person or greatest movie or book.

-Captain Literal, Defender of the Obvious


Dear Anonymous,

George Washington, because he wore a curly white wig and got shot at.

-Apathetic


Dear Ignorant,

I was. Naturally.

-Liar

True Apathos

Q: Why is Apathetic caring so much? If werf had truly reached apathos 'twouldna care about anything, for instance whether someone died or how. Ye know tha' as well as I.

-The Token


A: Dear The,

Because for the moment, I have nothing better to do.

~Apathetic

Arrogant People

Q: How do you deal with arrogant people without killing them?

Lisa the Killer


A: Killer,

Threaten.

~OWA


Dear Merdrr,

If yoo ar aee killr weye doo yoo wont uh waee too not kill them? That seems keyenduh unkarikteristik. If yoo wont to not kill them, eye suggest that yoo avoeed them at all kost. If they make yoo mad downt let them see yoo. ^_^

~ E-L-L-E


Dear Killer,

Kill their family instead. Hang their pets by the neck on their front porch. Maime them. Set fire to their house. Slash their tires. Invite them to go hiking with you and leave them stranded in the middle of nowhere. Put salt in their sugar bowl. Egg their house while they're out of town. Write a list of grievances and nail it to their front door. Unless it's too thick, in which case you could just mail it. Or mail them a letter bomb. Put fireworks in their mailbox. Set off fireworks inside their house. Pretend to be their barber and shave their head. The list is endless.

~Apathetic


Dear Lisa,

Try having a bragging contest with them. Or you could just knock out their teeth. One or the other.

~Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Dear Madam Death,

In the perfect world, you would never have to put up with arrogant or unfair people. Unfortunately, the world isn't perfect, so we do. The solution is not an easy one. It's not one that we can say, "Oh yeah! I had a co-worker just like that and there is a fool-proof way to avoid them." To say that all arrogant people are the same makes as much sense as saying that all cities in the United States have the same basic culture. Some people are arrogant for no really good reason. They may be lonely, they may be extremly good at something, they may have won a major award, they may have beaten you at something. Everyone has a reason for being arrogant if they are, in fact, arrogant. Note: I didn't say there was a good reason for it.

To deal with arrogant people, you should try to find out why they are arrogant in the first place. If you can't or you really don't have the patience, it only helps to know the problem if they have a possibility of getting over it. Even then it's very sketchy. Try to think of them in a better light. Like they aren't the scum of the earth. Have you tried that yet? If they really are the kind of person that needs to be buried six feet under, avoid them like the plague and make bright and optomistic comments at them whenever you are forced to look at them. If they really are a horrible person, they will grow to hate you enough, not to hit you but, instead, avoid you altogether. If you hate each other mutually, just avoid them. You will have to put up with people like them for the rest of your life so I don't recommend that you kill them. It's not really the most polite thing to do.

If they don't know that they are arrogant, they may just be the kind of people who need to be told. Keep that in mind just in case you need to work with them and they ask you "What's your problem?" I wish you the best of luck.

Happy new year.

~Lucky Aaron