Dances

Q: How do I get a guy to dance with me? I smile, get away from groups of girls when the slow songs start, I've even attempted asking guys to dance (was turned down too), I don't think I'm THAT ugly! I also have pretty friends who don't get many dances. We would appreciate not being left alone any more! HELP!

Oh yeah, PS Sincerely, Oozer the Loser


A: Dear Forgetful,

Okay, first we're going to use our omniscience to determine that you're a girl. Then we're going to determine that you go to dances, that you enjoy dancing, and that you're not taller than all of the guys. After we have determined all of this, we are left with the simple answer that boys are simply too lazy to be bothered asking girls to dance. They go to dances for the food. Period. End of story. Your options are to a) get a boyfriend, or 2) invite guy friends who like to dance.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Dear Oozer,

Look at your name. There's your answer.

-Apathetic

Apology

Dear readers,

Once again, the Board of Omniscience would like to apologize for its extended lack of existence. We would like to note that we are omniscient, not necessarily omnipresent. Several of our writers have moved on to greener pastures, and the board has fallen apart in their absence. We are now looking for more writers. Anyone interested, please e-mail us a resume. Also, we would like to bring to your attention that we have lost our old e-mail address. Please send e-mails to fiddlesticksthedefenestrator at gmail dot com.

We hope to have answers to current pending questions within a few days. Any questions you may have previously e-mailed us that we haven't already answered have been lost. Again, we apologize.

-The Board of Omniscience