Psychoanalysis

Q: The writer of this question is obviously preoccupied with lying, either because he is a chronic lyer or is, in fact, the offspring of a chronic lyer. An excellent reference would be Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right which gives excellent examples of lying. -- Sigmund Froid
The constant reference to the letter "p" refers to a preoccupation with pencils as does the references to the wood chuck chucking obviously wooden pencils. It is certain that the writer of this question is, in fact, reaching out and begging for pencils for Christmas.

-- Sigmund Froid


A: Thanks, Siggy, for your... um... psychoanalysis.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


C: You're welcome. That will be five hundred dollars, please.

-- Dr. Froid


R: Do you take Monopoly money?

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Doctor,

Wouldn't you prefer just keeping your face arranged the way it is now?

-Apathetic

Mouse, Mice, Spouse, Spice

Q: If the plural of 'mouse' is 'mice', shouldn't the plural of 'spouse' be 'spice'?

--Confuzled


A: Dear Confuzled,

I thought that the reason the plural of "mouse" would be "mice" might be because they derived from different languages and they got their plurals from that same language too. But I looked it up and although mouse and spouse do derive from different languages, mouse and house come from the same place, and they're pluralized differently. Therefore, the word "mice" came from the same place most (but not all) of the other oddities of our language came from: someone started using the word "mice" because it fit better than "mouses", and it caught on.

-Marty


Dear Confuzled,

Please do not feel ashamed of your name. I understand you must be teased endlessly for it and I would just like you to know that I for one, will be your friend. With that said, I shall answer your oh so wonderful question. *cough cough* You may want to consider an orthography class. You will learn about the make up of the English language so that you may further your horizons and may sound a bit smarter. So... The plural of mouse is right. Good job, you were correct on one thing! However, on the contrary, spouse is NOT spice because it is an irregular verb. I hope that my wonderful advice will help you eventually along the road to success.

#1 Arrogant #1


Cone fooz Lead,

Spouse? Who would want plural spouses!? You see, that's the reason there shouldn't be plural marriages like this. They'll have people saying things like, "You may bring your spice to the party!" it would be so confusing. "Yes, everyone may share their spice with everyone else." Yes, you would do best to marry one person and one person only. Make sure you do that. And by the way, don't you need to be doing laundry right now?

-Bossy


Dear Fuzzy,

No. The plural of mouse should be "mouses". I don't know what idiot came up with the word "mice", but I hope they died painfully.

-Apathetic


Dear You,

No, because when I created the English language, I thought it would be funny to throw people off by messing things like that up.

-Liar


Dear Liar,

I hope you die. Painfully.

-Apathetic

Tongue Twister Questions

Q: How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And on a related note: exactly how many pickled peppers are in a peck?

-Mother Goose


A: Dear Mom,

A woodchuck would chuck what a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
And obviously, the number of pickled peppers in a peck depends on how big the pickled peppers are.

-Fiddlesticks the Defenestrator


Dear Silly Goose,

I can chuck wood, and I only chucked a little because it's really boring.

-The Woodchuck


Deer Goos mom,

Nun, kuz hee iz noo at it. Y_Y Ther ar ujulee sevn too twentee in a peck! ^_^

E-L-L-E ^_^ :D


Dear Mrs. Fowl,

A wood chuck would chuck all the wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could cuck wood. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, a peck points to proposterous proportions of peppers, poiniently!

Grahm Aire


Duck,

Duck.

-Goose (OWA)

Lying

Q: How can you tell if someone is lying? Is it okay to lie? Why do the ten commandments talk about bearing false witness, but not lying?

-Fibber McGee


A: Dear Mr. McGee,

It depends on the person. If someone's lying, they usually talk a little different. They may sound as if they're adding something to what they said or they word things too carefully. Sometimes people bring their hands up to their face when they're lying. A lot of people think that people don't make eye contact when they're lying, but usually it's the exact opposite. People usually look slightly upwards when they're telling the truth because they're thinking or remembering it, but when they lie, people look either in a different direction or they try to keep eye contact to make you think they're being honest.

It's not good to lie ever. Even if you're telling a lie to expose a lie, it's bad. There are a few reasons why the scriptures say "bearing false witness" instead of "lying". Basically, lying is just one aspect of bearing false witness. You can bear false witness without ever actually saying a word. It does say in the scriptures that you shouldn't lie, but bearing false witness is much broader. Think about it. Write back if you still can't figure it out.

-The Chief


Dear Fibber,

Someone's lying if they're in a horizontal position. It is not only okay to lie, but it's occasionally necessary. The reason the scriptures talk about bearing false witness and not lying is, obviously, that it's evil to bear false witness, but it's very uncomfortable to sleep without lying down.

-Apathetic


Dear Fool,

Someone is lying if they're disagreeing with me. It's bad for other people to lie.

-Liar